To the long time viewers of my YouTube channel, close friends, or a certain pair of old people known to some as Granny B and Papa B, this story was hilarious. And for the rest of you, the ones now asking, “How in the name of cookies was this hilarious?!” I must explain it as simply as I can.
Chupie is real.
I kid you not, I tease you not. Chupie, the black guinea pig with a white streak down his nose, prone to much purring and finger licking, escape artist extraordinaire, is very much a real pig. Yes, he really does squeak a lot. Yes, he does lick fingers; and yes, he will answer your questions—so long as the answer is no. In fact, he is sitting in my lap this very second, no doubt making sure that I miss not one of his wonderful characteristics.
Okay, so maybe my Chupie has never slain a serial killer. Maybe he’s never actually bitten someone, but truthfully, there was a time when I first got him that I wouldn’t have been surprised if he did.
Fun fact about Travis! I have a fluffy addiction. This started out innocently enough, I wanted a cute little pet, and seeing as I was living in an apartment at the time, thus ruling out a dog, I went to a pet store and purchased a guinea pig.
Here is where truth and fiction will diverge for the first time. One: I’m not a girl. Two: My first guinea pig is named Josh. He’s a brown sweetie pie, who also happens to be so incredibly lazy that you can pose him in any position and he will stay there almost indefinitely—leading my parents to nickname him Eeyore. Well, barely a week passed with little Joshie before I noticed that he was going bald. Disregarding the maxim that pets take after their owners, I decided that this was not a good sign, and, having done my research before buying him, I wondered if he was just stressed and lonely—you aren’t supposed to keep guinea pigs by themselves. Point of story: I returned to the pet store and purchased the star of our story.
My first sign that Chupie wasn’t a normal pig was when I pointed him out to the associate—a rather cute girl instead of a roving-eyed nerd. When I had picked Josh, he had run with the rest of the pigs just as fast as his little legs could carry him. The other pigs in Chupie’s cage did the same when she reached in to snag him, but not Chupie. Nope, he just sat there and allowed himself to be scooped up. Chupie ain’t scared of no hand!
The next oddity of the Choopster was revealed when I got home and took him out of his box: He licked my fingers relentlessly. Now, this isn’t unheard of; in fact, all three of my pigs—don’t ask: fluffy addiction—lick fingers…now, after Chupie taught them. But it’s supposed to be rare, and I had never heard of a piggy licking fingers so enthusiastically. Indeed, when I first took Chupie to the vet, the good doctor was astounded by Chupie’s affections.
Yeah, yeah, Travis, finger licking, that’s all well and good, but where’s the crazy stuff? Where’s the stuff that made you wonder just what this pig is? I’m getting there.
One day, shortly after Chupie came into my life, I was allowing my pigs to run around before I had to go to class. When it was time to go, I located Josh and put him back in his cage, but Chupie was nowhere to be found. I looked in my closet, under the bed, in the bathroom. I checked the living room, the kitchen, and my roommate’s room. No Chupie. Seeing as this was a rather small apartment, furnished by two guys, there weren’t many hiding spots. An adorable, sometimes annoying thing about Chupie, is that he squeaks…all the time. I had been playing music on my computer, and I turned it off. Sure enough, I heard the little rascal squeaking his run-around-squeak from under my bed.
Travis checks under bed again. No Chupie. But I could still hear him! And then I saw it, the fabric bottom of my box springs jittering as something ran around inside it. Chupie had chewed a hole in the fabric and jumped inside. Ever had to get a guinea pig out of box springs? I have. Not easy, in case you were wondering.
And so the legend of Chupie was born. He made a habit of doing incredible things. Another time when he was playing on the ground, he decided that it was time to go home and ran back toward his cage. Not a big deal, I had left the front door open for him. But a front door!? For Chupie?! Chupie’s too good for something so simple! He instead wedged himself between the back of the cage and the wall and climbed the side of the cage before jumping through the open roof hatch. Those unfamiliar with guinea pigs should know that pigs are not made for climbing. Those who are familiar: don’t believe me? It’s on YouTube, go watch it.
Before long, Chupie got a bit of a big head at all his awesomeness. At one point, he decided that he wanted to be a rap star, and made a music video all by himself (Wink). He was kind enough to let me upload it to my YouTube Channel. He appreciates the fan mail; he loves to eat paper.
I could tell you more stories about Chupie, but this afterword would end up being longer than the story; already this afterword feels a bit long—you’ll have to forgive me, I’m a sufferer of an addiction (fluffy, in case you forgot), and happen to be extremely fond of my little critters.
So how did this story come about? This is how, Chupie’s antics soon made those of us who knew him start joking about him having more powers than he does. Whenever something living needed taking care of, say when some rats nested in my attic, the common phrase friends and family would use was: “Sic Chupie on it.” This story is simply the manifestation of many a Chupie Joke.
I decided to write it because I thought it would be short and fun. My “short” stories have had a propensity of being long. Whereas the industry standard is around 5k words, mine rarely go below 10k. My initial, vague idea for the story was that Chupie would actually be the monster and murder everyone, but real-life Chupie is too much of a sweetheart for coldblooded killing, and I felt compelled to make him the hero that he is. Fun to write? Heck yes. Short? Yeah…it’s over ten thousand again…Chupie likes to give you the most for you money, I guess.
Yes, I did blame it on him! He’s Chupie after all, and he may very well have written the story himself, for all you know!